Fifty Shades of Grey: what BDSM enthusiasts think

I was shocked by how awful the film was. Ridiculous, really. The sex scenes were so vanilla. It didn’t look particularly kinky to me. There was a lot of beautiful equipment, but not much going on in terms of actual BDSM: it was just about Christian tying Anastasia up. In real BDSM relationships, there’s a lot more connection, a lot more talking, a lot more ritual. The play he did with her wasn’t hard play; it was sensation stuff. I switch between dominant and submissive, so I can see how she’d enjoy the scenes in the Red Room – but it didn’t show an authentic side to BDSM. It was more him stroking her for a bit with a whip, then lots of sex. That was it.

But real sex has smudged makeup and spit and sweat. It was too pretty. I noticed they used a condom though, which was good. And they mentioned the pill as well.

Anastasia is a virgin, and I have met virgins on the BDSM scene. My friend had “Teenaged Virgin” written on her back with a knife. She was on the scene for years before she actually had sex. Otherwise, both characters were completely unrealistic. She didn’t even know what a butt plug was. Most people do – and if they don’t, they wouldn’t be involved with a man like him. I don’t think he’d be interested in a woman like her, either: she’s clearly not up for BDSM, and he could find someone else to do it. That makes their relationship abusive.

I’ve met a few Christian Greys. As someone who, in the past, has experienced many unhealthy and abusive relationships, I would definitely stay away from him. They’re not capable of love; their whole way of viewing relationships is very selfish. It’s about getting a high out of the control, rather than any kind of genuine love. When Anastasia says, “Leave me alone”, he actually breaks into her house! That’s not consensual. He turns up unannounced when she’s with her mum.

Source: www.theguardian.com