How Kinky Is the Sex in the “Fifty Shades” Movie? And All Your Other Questions, Answered.

HOW KINKY IS THE SEX?

Don’t let the R rating fool you: It’s pretty kinky. There’s whipping, flogging, hanging from ceiling hooks; there’s talk of anal and vaginal fisting, though neither actually happens (Ana strikes them from the contract). But here’s the problem with the sex in the movie: It’s not sexy. And that’s not because I’m not personally into Red-Room-level BDSM (occasional spanking and hair-pulling only, please). It’s because Christian and Ana’s relationship isn’t much of a relationship at all. He’s cold and controlling from the get-go; she’s wary and defiant. They don’t seem to like each other.

That’s how they act in the book too, but at least in the book we get Ana’s internal monologue. As insufferable as it is, the struggle between her “inner goddess” and “subconscious” serves a purpose. It creates an emotional arc and romantic tension — both of which are lacking in the movie. Which is ironic, because the Fifty Shades press plan was basically a memo that read, “This is a movie about romance, not sex.”  

That’s not to say there was too much sex in the movie or that I’d sacrifice any of it for “plot” — god, no. But somehow, sex and story needed to go hand-in-hand. The best movie sex, like the best real-life sex, begins with at least a bit of tension. Even porn knows that.

DOES ANA HAVE A NIPPLES-ONLY ORGASM? 

No, that totally realistic scene from the book didn’t make the cut. Neither did Ana’s consumption of a “Christian Grey flavored Popsicle” or Christian’s subsequent inquiry, “Don’t you have a gag reflex?” Christian does go down on Ana, but … it’s just not that hot. I’m going to blame weird MPAA head-bobbing rules for Jamie Dornan’s stiff performance rather than his actual cunnilingus skills. A girl’s gotta dream. Hence Fifty Shades.

Read full article on www.cosmopolitan.com